Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
