My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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