I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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