So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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