You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
