At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
