i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
