He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
