He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
