so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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