apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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