I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
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It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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