If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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