Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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