I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
