It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
