I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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