Swine flu is the new snow day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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