Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
