if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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