I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize