We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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