I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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