My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
