First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
