no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
