Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I love you. Go after that dick
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
