i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
