I am full of burrito and curiosity
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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