Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I AM VODKA MAN
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My feet surprised me
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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