i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
