She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
