It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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