Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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