I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
