its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
