Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
These tits shall not be calmed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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