That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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