The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
