im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
