I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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