we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Found the puke drawer
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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