There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
