It's Friday. Sex?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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