i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
