Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
