Non-Jews are for practice
He uses pillows to masturbate.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
