I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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