Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
