Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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