if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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