I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
