I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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