he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
