you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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