can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
