I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
