Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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