My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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