i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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