god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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