Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
